The 25 Titles For “One Hundred Years of Solitude” That Didn’t Make The Final Cut

Written in 1967, One Hundred Years of Solitude, by Colombian author Gabriel Garcia Marquez is the Nobel prize winning novel that tells the multi-generational story of the Buendía family. It’s one of my absolute favorite pieces of literature, so I was thrilled to discover that Marquez, like so many struggling writers, wasn’t always brilliant in his first draft. It was revealed to me this week* that he was toying with a long list of working titles before he settled on the incomparably elegant: One Hundred Years of Solitude. 

Here are Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s first titles that didn’t quite make the cut:

One Hundred Years of Solitude Because You Make Me Physically Sick

One Hundred Years Of Trying To Fit Back In My High School Pants 

One Hundred Years of Wondering If Everything Is Cancer Over Age 35

One Hundred Years of Flatulence

One Hundred Years of Hoping My  Mother In Law Gets Hit By a Truck

One Hundred Years of Your Stupid Face: The 10th Year of Marriage 

One Hundred Years of Failing To Live Up To My Mother’s Expectations

One Hundred Years of Erectile Dysfunction

One Hundred Years of Dieting: The First 10 Minutes of Not Eating

One Hundred Years of Never Leaving My House  After Seeing The Stupid Asshole Neighbors In My Yard

One Hundred Years of Rejection Letters From Hack Editors Named Eugene…Eres Un Bastardo, Eugene!

One Hundred Years of  Gastrointestinal Discomfort After Eating My Cousin Jose’s Special Pulled Pork Sandwich

One Hundred Years of Excruciating Small Talk, Then Solitude, Then Death…FINALLY

One Hundred Years of Of My Mother Telling Me About My Father’s Bowel Movements

One Hundred Years of My Wife Talking About Her Friends That She’s Currently Angry With

One Hundred Years of Your Mama…. I Might Be Drunk Right Now

One Hundred Years of My Cat Missing The Litter box

One Hundred Years of Being Stuck in Line at The DMV

One Hundred Years of Loneliness….Who Am I Kidding? Solitude? God, I’m So Pretentious, And I’m Lonely BECAUSE I AM Pretentious…God, Gabriel Stop Being Such A Prick

One Hundred Years of The Neighbor’s Dog Barking

One Hundred Years of Stupid Fucking Hippies (remember, this book was written in 1967)

One Hundred Years of Watching A Game Show Because I’m Too Lazy To Get Up And Turn The Chanel

One Hundred Years of Writing This God Damn Book, It Was A Mistake To Swear Off Sex Until I Was Done…I Know That Now

One Hundred Years of My Cousin Pedro’s Jerry Lewis Impersonations

One Hundred Years of Regretting That Stupid Thing I Said At The Party Last Night, I Should Never Refer To My Wife’s Breasts as “Las Grande Chistosas” In Public

*List revealed to me by Miss Co Co Peru, our city’s premiere psychic. Daily readings from 2-5, behind The Kangaroo for 5 bucks or a 6 pack of Pabst.

 

 


 


 

 

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