Great Advice: Ask Jon Snow


Dear Jon Snow,

Like many fans, I was in a spiraling tailspin of depression that caused me to isolate myself from friends and family after seeing you die. But what a relief when I saw you came back to life! Phew! Your world is a masterful blend of magic and true bravery.  And I am certain you will retake Winterfell. And everyone on Reddit knows that too. Trust me. With that in mind, what conditioner do you think is good for a overly-frizzy/coarse hair type?

Signed,

Frizzy Girl 77


Dear Frizzy Girl 77,

That is a great question, and undoubtedly the one I am asked the most. Some people think that being the bastard son of Ned Stark, constantly in battle, and dead for good length of time is a valid excuse to neglect my personal appearance.

Not so.

What viewers don’t realize in the Game of Thrones documentary is that you don’t see the whole story. I take long showers every morning and condition, but don’t wash my hair. THAT is the secret in frigid climates and coming back from death. Being dead truly wreaks havoc on the hair follicles! Always remember, a moisturized scalp is a happy scalp.

 

 


Dear Jon Snow,

When you joined the Night’s Watch and infiltrated the wildlings by pretending to forsake your brothers and then fell in love with Ygritte, a wildling woman, that was incredibly moving. Your story is so inspirational. You masterfully played it all like you were in a game of chess. Also, did you know dolphins can play chess? That’s a fact.  Even when Jaime Lannister taunted you, you kept your cool. But you’re tough too, hanging all the traitors, when you needed. That being said, if given the choice, would you rather die by being eaten alive by 1,000 kittens or be strangled by a dolphin?

Signed,

Flippy The Dolphin


Dear Flippy,

That is a conundrum. While 1,000 kittens are enough to completely cover an adult male and then some, dolphins are known to be fierce and intelligent opponents. Although, it’s a well know fact that dolphins hunt in packs and have no hands. I’m not sure how he could strangle me. Is this a magical dolphin, Flippy? Wait a minute…I know you, don’t I?! You are the dolphin I rode down in the keys and you screamed “Revenge, Revenge!” as I swam away. Come on Flippy, how was I to know you didn’t want a 6’2 man on your back? I’m not a genius! Remember Fippy, holding onto anger is the real killer. That, and White Walkers.

But to answer your question, 1,000 kittens. Kittens are adorable. I love kittens, like…a lot.

 

 


Dear Jon Snow,

I spent my whole life being bullied because no one knew who my dad was, and I know that you don’t know who your mom is…that’s so sad. Even though Eddard and Catelyn Stark raised you she was always so cold. And later when you swore your allegiance to the night’s watch you were never scared and made it through even with all the family baggage. You even escaped death and have vowed to take Ramsay down! So, with regards to all of this, what do you think are some great go-to meals on busy weeknights with the kids?

Signed,

Hard Working Mama in Tampa 37


Dear Hard Working Mama,

It can be a real struggle to balance home, family, and defending your kingdom against White Walkers. But I find a crock pot to be an absolute godsend! Ignoring good nutrition is never a wining strategy and trust me, I speak from experience. Don’t even mention the time I lived on frozen pizzas for a summer and lost 800 men in battle because I couldn’t concentrate! Ha ha ha. Anyway, just throw some ethically raised, organic meat or fish in the pot, followed by root vegetables and garlic- garlic which is an excellent immune booster, and then after it cooks all day while you’re out doing whatever it is moms do all day in your realm, you’ll come back to a beautiful meal. All done. Just top it with some leafy greens, and voila! Dinner! Now THAT is the key to fighting a White Walker, taking down Ramsay, or attending that PTA meeting, Mama!

Hugs and Kisses,

xoxo,

Jon Snow

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