Josh Singleton from Carbondale, Pennsylvania is not impressed with his friend Carl’s Minecraft builds. Josh didn’t look at me during the interview, but from what I could tell from the back of his head while he played, he was not messing around. I asked him if Carl was online now building with him.
Josh took a long sip of his CapriSun, sighed heavily and answered, “Um….YES that Noob is on. Look at his Noob build. You have to understand, I’ve been playing Minecraft for like a really, really, really long time. Since I was 6, and then you have these noobs coming in and thinking they can build like I can…when clearly, they can not. Just look at his blocks…only noobs use oak. The noob is clearly in survival mode too. He’s probably there just to grief and troll. He doesn’t even know how to switch game modes. He should legally change his name to “Noob.” Josh then leaned into the screen and screamed, “NOOB! NOOB! NOOB!”
Whoa…Josh was mother-fucking serious as a mother fucker…
Josh went on for another 3 hours, never looking at me once, then added finally about his Minecraft expertise, “No one listens to me and my mom is also a noob, because she doesn’t understand what I’m talking about. Actually, no one understands what I’m talking about, I’m that good of a builder. Just forget it. You’re clearly a noob, too…”
Hey, hey, hey…Just calm down there, fuck face….
I decided to ask Josh’s mother what she thought of her son’s Minecraft builds, but all she could manage to mutter was, “Yes dear, I AM listening to your Minecraft story…of course it’s interesting…can you look at me when I talk to you? No? Well OK…”
I’m still not sure if she knew what I asked her. She did however give me a Capri Sun and asked if I wanted a Minecraft snack. I’m not going to sugar coat it, the snack did taste nooby.