Jake Vig of Mind Your Own Fucken Business- That’s Where I’m From, United States of America, was minding his own fucken business when his neighbor Hal asked him “if he was doing anything or whatever and junk” on late on Sunday afternoon. Jake looked at Hal and dismissively said, “I’m pretty busy, I’m making a Hot Pocket. From Scratch.”
Jake confided in us later that Hal was always asking him to do stuff…
Last year Hal had blown off three of his fingers doing 4th of July stuff. In December, Hal fell off the roof and was in a coma for a month putting up Christmas stuff. On Superbowl Sunday, Hal got drunk and drove his car into a telephone pole doing drunk driving stuff. On Hal’s birthday he went to a nudie bar and got thrown out for doing borderline stalker stuff. In May he invited the entire Trump rally back to his house and wound up doing racist, illegal stuff.
Hal was always up to stuff and Jake told us he’s tired of looking at his douche bag neighbor and his idiot outcomes. The problem is, Jake said, taking a long, serious look at his neighbor’s dirt lawn, ” Idiot stuff is really bad for property values. My home is now worth 8 bucks on Zillow. It’s a tragedy”
We asked Jake Vig for any final comments on his neighbor’s habits, and all Jake could be bothered to say, taking a long hit off his Hello Kitty bong, “Idiots will continue to do stuff. Whaterya gonna do?”