Coworkers described Curious George as a breath of fresh air when he started in data entry in the spring of 2014. They simply had no way of knowing hiring a wild monkey to work in an office would end in thousands of dollars in property damage and irreparable harm to office morale.
Eugene, head of George’s department explains, “He truly was curious about everything. He used to climb over the top of a cubicle and ask, “Ooh-ooh-ooh-eee-eee?” and hold up a stapler or a hole punch or some other mundane office item and I’d explain to him what it was. But about 8 months he just..you know…stopped asking questions. That’s when the nightmare began.”
Karen from accounting describes one of George’s first meltdowns:
“Yes, I was apprehensive about having a filthy monkey work in our corporate headquarters, but eventually he seemed to fit in like everyone else. However, that’s the thing about a monkey, you never know when they’re going to act out. A few months ago out of nowhere he climbed over my back, swung to the top of the highest office shelves, and started hurling his poo covered data sheets at me. Sure he’s a monkey, but covering company property in poo? No, that’s where I draw the line! No throwing poo in the office. Monkey or not.”
Karen left the room visibly shaken, took a sip from her, “World’s Greatest Accountant” mug, but turned back to add without a hint of irony:
“The glamorous world of data entry isn’t for everyone. No it is not.”
Steve, whose desk was next to Curious George for the better part of 2 years, was the one who called the police after walking in on him stuffing 12 pounds of bananas down the company toilets on Monday.
“It was one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen. He already had two strikes against him: the poo-covered data entry sheets, setting our boss’s desk on fire with stolen fireworks, and now flooding our building with banana stuffed toilets. This was strike three so I knew Curious George had to go. And the thing is, sure…I know he’s curious, but for the love of God, does he have to be SO curious? Actually, I’m not even sure if that’s curiosity. I think it might be malice. Maybe he should change his name to Malicious George.”
“The guy’s a jerk.”
Curious George’s cousin and head of accounts payable, Uncurious Bob, says he regrets putting in a good word for George. Bob said seeing Curious George being hauled out of the flooded office in handcuffs infuriated him- having put his professional monkey-reputation on the line.
Of course, Bob can’t speak, but he did put several coworkers in headlocks, smash a watermelon on George’s desk, and ended his terrifying fit of rage by breaking a picture in half of him and George holding a basket of kittens. One can only infer this is what he meant by his intense simian outburst.
Curious George’s best friend in the office and head of IT, Carl Miller was smoking a joint in his car during the entire event. When he heard what George did he jumped out of his car and said, “Oh man! G-dog finally did it? No way! Those assholes upstairs had it coming. Especially Karen. You think they respect a monkey? I can’t believe I missed it. He was saving his lunch bananas all week for that. That’s awesome! George is a hero…”
Carl got back in his car, and said one more time, taking a drag off his joint and thoughtfully looking up at the flooded office building,
“Yes, Curious George is a god damned hero, man….”